Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
