i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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