I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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