i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
