is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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