I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
