the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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