Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
