rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
