We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
