dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he thought i was a dude.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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