You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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