Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I didn't notice because vodka
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
