Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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