Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
