so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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