I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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