I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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