Kiss
Puke
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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