Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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