I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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