I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
