Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
