It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I need moral support for this bender
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
