when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
