Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
