I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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