If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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