Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
