apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
