I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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