I didn't shave. On purpose
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
