fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
