did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
