Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
