Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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