my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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