Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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