well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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