It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
