I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
