im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
