You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
