So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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