I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
