Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
