I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
