Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
