i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
