How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
