You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I bet he comes in French.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
