dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
