Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
