Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
