I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
