The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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