in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
