I must be too annoying 4 u.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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