Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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