Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
