im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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