Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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