is your mom at the bar?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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