This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
