I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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