Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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