I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
