I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
