If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
