fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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