so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
