Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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